November 2013


This is the life I asked for.

Allergies to cats and mold.

An epidemic of emptiness.

No job and blue sneakers with yellow stripes

that wander sidewalks and city streets.

The colors of California dancing beneath my feet.

Trousers and suspenders wandering down Shattuck

observing the humans in their natural habitat…

Passing French restaurants,Sushi,Gelato,ice cream,Chinese take out-eat in,diners,vegan,vegetarian,fusion,gluten free.

Women smiling in tall boots and mid thigh skirts wearing winter caps with long dark hair

walking with men

eating ice cream or frozen yogurt or gelato or some hybrid of frozen dessert

sustainable,organic,fairly traded,locally made.

I go mostly unnoticed

among the well educated,well dressed,good looking creatures of Berkeley.

Allowed the freedom to gaze into pizza shops and cafes, at delivery boys with stretched earlobes,

patrons with mohawks, giant windows near entrances where couples linger over half eaten plates of food.

Escaped from the lonely little rooms with writing on the walls that

call me into a test of faith….again and again.

All this raveling and unravelling alone…..for what?

Write and meditate,trying to breathe easy into all areas of my mind.

Allow my heart to feel both human love and the cries of this planet.

Torn open the moment I allow myself to feel…

refrain from plunging hand into chest to make the whole thing

work better.

How do you humans do it?  This living thing.

This breathing day in and day out crashing to the surface of being.

Submerged with in skin, rising to the surface long enough

to catch my breath then back in again.

I wander your streets between the silence

observing you…..

in this everyday

trusting the Universe through

your living

on busy street corners…

at bus stops…..

lining up in the Berkeley Bowl,

pick up the green basket

put groceries in.

I watch you being somewhere…inside your skin

while I

navigate the mysteries of nowhere

again and again.

All the streets are the same.

There is always distance and

the question

Who will you let in?

 

In this study of human bodies and skin on skin

there are twists of spine that I long for.

Tugged hair and arched backs.

Clothing tangled and tucked in the shadows of blankets.

Reaching out for walls to press against.

Something to press against until

all that is left is

to press against you…. Pressing me.

Your tender weaknesses wanting.

My biological desire to be whole thru you

tearing  me in two.

My God integrated becomes me and you

separated.

Other and self get opened and closed like the

sliding glass door and

I can no longer tell if I am in or I am out.

I see only your reflection of a world thru those same sliding glass doors.

How you lay on me with your whole body.

Wrapping myself  up in you as if our skin could melt

together

the wisdom of our life times

transmitted.

 

We break each other in.

Like wild horses.

Getting each other to to admit our limits.

 

The streets are never the same.